And also considering that I just, for most of my adult life, I have been involved in a serious steady relationship with one man or another, whilst all of these other subtexts were happening at the same time whether the other men were aware of not of what I was doing, whether they were suspicious of my behaviour, or not, or whether I was completely straight up and admitted everything I was doing, I think, the men I was with, felt it was actually a relief for them. Whether they could admit it or not, because try to satisfy me… and I don’t mean sexually, I mean try to meet me on all these different levels, it’s not fair to expect one person to do that, not if you are going to allow your schizophrenia- to not take over your life- but if you are going to encourage it, and I don’t want to call it other personalities, but if you do have energy that manifests itself on many different levels it’s not fair to expect one person to satisfy you, and that’s why so many people are disappointed in relationships, to be met on all levels. I need other people to satisfy certain tendencies in me, that I don’t even want to fucking necessarily expose my partner to, that I don’t even want them to try to satisfy, whether it’s intellectual, or psychic, or sexual. In a sense it was very liberating to me, because I always did exactly what I wanted no matter what my situation or home life was, I was still going to behave in a way that I wanted to behave, and yet try to maintain some dignity. I’ve been called completely insane most of my adult life by people that know me, when I think I’m truly the sanest person I know. I think I’m absolutely the most sane person I know. Because I allow myself to be and do what I want to do, knowing that still one has to have boundaries of some sort, set or un-set, that one can or cannot transgress. And I think I’ve always felt very safe because I’ve had no fear, and fear is what I strove to feel. A lot of these psychotic relationships were what I wanted, because I’d already lost the capacity to be truly frightened. So it was that stimulus I sought.
You constantly revile me with your singular lack of vision. Be aware, there is an essential truth and beauty in all things. From the death throes of a speared gazelle to the damaged smile of a freeway homeless. But that does not mean that the invisibility of something implies its…
I used to think feminism was a liberating force - now I see many of those people are just censors under a different name.” ‘Feminism’ is like saying ‘mustard.’ Which feminism or which branch of feminism? To me, I always like the term ‘humanist,’ which I think I am. I’m pro-sex, pro-pornography, pro-NRA. That divides me from a lot of so-called feminist who I’ve readily debated as well as other forms of censors. We need more equality across the board. I think feminism certainly is not an outdated idea. I consider myself a ‘femi-nazi’ (a term which I use to my advantage) because in a lot of ‘conspiracy of women’ speeches, I’m making a sarcastic proposal. It’s not completely eliminating half the population but finding a planet where women could be by themselves just to see if it would make any fucking difference. Not of course painting all men with the same fucking broad stroke. Realizing that my target is men in positions of power which the average man sadly completely lacks. My target is always the politicians, the fathers, the fore-fathers, the fuckers, the corporate soldiers.
I learned a month or so ago that my Dad is pro-life. We were in public, so I didn’t really explode at him, I just told him clearly that if I needed to, I would have an abortion. We changed the subject. I brought it up with him again last week- he’s fairly reasonable, so I told him this was a really, really important issue to me and asked if I could send him some literature to explain myself and see if I could change his mind. He agreed, and said he’d be open minded.
So does anyone have any particularly eloquent articles/ images/ just anything I could use? I have a few ideas of what I want to send him. Mainly beginning with debunking the term ‘pro-life’. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I didn’t anticipate how upset I would get about his view, but I suppose he isn’t just some ignorant politician, he’s my Dad!
Straight from the Whore's Mouth we bring you Another, Inside. A Vivisection of the Whole.
I just woke up. I said, I just woke up. Empty stomach. Movements blanked out by the vibrating lights on the wall opposite. It took five days to open my left eye a fraction, and even then the result was violent and garish and I took a week to recoup. I was on the internet. I remembered. I spoke, I said, I said I remembered. And that was the worst of it. So I open my eyes again and the spectrum lactates, gushing into my optic nerve, stinging it with saturated hue. My nostrils flared and a thin spittle of vomit, green, clung to my chin. I barely felt it. My insides were heaving, my oesophagus convulsed, my cerebellum shook. It’s dark, today, and every day. But I saw it once. I saw it, I said, I declared to you I saw it and I say again I saw it and again I form each letter with my tongue until they no longer make sense except to those of you perhaps who take extra care, I said, I – ee – ss – ah – ee – duh. It looks less logical in print, does it not? I said. Say it twice more and it means nothing aloud. Concertina in stem we clicked, I said, aloud.